Dear President Assad,
Shalom.
I am writing this letter for you after years of our friendship, to express how thankful I am to your Excellency.
President Assad, I-and on behalf of the state of Israel- am really impressed by you and your friendship to our state.
You and you father Hafez (May he rest in peace) have done Israel a great favor. You have been for more than 40 years a great friend of Israel, providing security and kindness to our state. Adding to that, Mr. President, you have offered us a very kind gift which enables us to have more control over the Palestinians and the Arabs in the region, you kindly gave us Golan Heights and never demanded it again.
In addition to that, we are all in Israel so impressed with what you are doing in Syria nowadays, you have killed more than 10 thousand innocent people, a number, with all our crimes and apartheid policies never achieved in 1 year and you denied the so called "Syrian revolution". We can never forget your great favor of denying the Syrian public-who hate our state-to vote freely and have freedom, because this will endanger our existence.
What impresses us more is that, in addition to all your crimes, you could deny it and ignore the whole world which has proved to me and my ministers how well do we go along in our policies against the Arabs and what will get us closer in the future. You could as well Mr. president make them all believe that you are a Jihadi against us by supporting Hezbollah, which serves as a good excuse for us to attack Lebanon and impose sanctions on Iran at the same time. Your great political nimbleness got the whole world to confuse your allies from your friends, which, as well ended up in our favor.
Mr. President, keep going, kill as much as you want, nobody will dare to get you out of power because us and the United States are fooling the western world by making them believe that Russia and China are the ones who are defending you, which is in fact upon our request. But in case you had to leave power, we will make sure a puppet regime comes after which we will force to sign peace at any price with us.
Me, and my administration will thoroughly offer you to work for our government, as an advisor for me and the war minister, a special advisor on how to commit war crimes against Arabs. We believe you will add great effort to our future policies, and therefore we will offer you an Israeli passport. We will never forget your favors and will be great supporter of you and your regime till the end.
Sincerely,
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